If You Won't I Will
by DarkCalloftheRaven
Summary: Gamzee has finally gone sober. Nobody who has seen him has lived. But, is there a shred of the old Gamzee left in that troubled mind? Karkat searches him out and will see for himself what has become of his moirail.


The honks. They are everywhere. A short figure cowers in the shadows, his small nubby horns just barely poking out of his messy hair that matched the darkness he was currently cloaked in. He holds his sickle tight as if that would produce any comfort to cancel out the sheer terror that coursed through his veins.

He could only think of the chilling conversation that he had with one of his closest friends. His friend snapped. There is no going back, he has completely fallen into the depths of insanity. Along with this, one team member flung himself into a jealous rage, blasting holes into two of their friends, killing them. He did not know where either of these people were.

The honks seemed to grow louder if not closer. Honk. Honk. Honk. The small figure concealed in the darkness of the lab decided that it would be best to start moving again. He crept out of the little cove, and into the dim light. His soft grey skin became visible, his two yellow eyes darting about him in fright.

He murmured to himself in the softest, most quiet tone possible, "YOUR TEAM NEEDS YOU… YOU'RE THE LEADER KARKAT…" Tears began to stream down the young troll's face, taking a red tint. "WHATEVER IS LEFT OF THE TEAM… IF THERE IS ANYTHING LEFT. OH GOG. THEY COULD ALL BE DEAD."

He hurried along the dark metal corridor. A thought occured to Karkat, "WHY AM I RUNNING AWAY? I'M GAMZEE'S FUCKING MOIRAIL, I KNEW THAT THIS GOGDAMN MOMENT WOULD COME. IT'S MY JOB TO SUBDUE HIM FOR THE TIME BEING... SO THAT HE DOESN'T FUCKING KILL ANYONE ELSE." Karkat knew that he had to go face Gamzee to calm him down and prevent him from continuing his murderous rampage. He had to face the friend that he cared for, and feared most. To protect what was left of the team.

Karkat stopped and listened. The honks bounced off the monochromatic walls, seeming to come from every side. He concentrated hard, his little face contorted. Behind him, to the left, most likely a floor or two above him. Karkat spun sharply around and started to walk silently in the direction of the honks.

He soon reached the portal leading to the next floor directly above. What he saw made him want to vomit. Blue, olive, brown, magenta. These blood colors lined the edges of the portal. Karkat could not hold back the contents of his stomach any longer. Turning to the right he unwillingly emptied his stomach. Once he coughed out the last globs of bile, he straightened his spine and walked onto the platform, vanishing in a white sweep of light.

He reappeared on the floor above. The honks were louder here and at times, were deafening. Karkat's ears rang, letting him only hear the high pitched white noise and the honks. He stumbled around, crashing into one of the freezing metal walls. He grimaced as he pressed his palms against his skull. Karkat collapsed to the floor, curling up into a small ball while holding his ears.

Despite the overwhelming noise, he suddenly remembered his resolve. He pushed himself up and continued to walk.

Karkat followed his ears. Move one way, the honks fade a bit. Move in the other direction, and they get louder. They were everywhere, and it was hard to distinguish what came from where. So, Karkat decided to brave the horror that he knew would show it's ugly head when he exposed his eyes. He decided to open them anyway.

Chocolate brown blood spells out three words, forming one question that petrified Karkat with fear, "Are you next?" There was no doubt that Gamzee had written this in Tavros' blood.

Karkat murmured softly, "HE'S SO FAR GONE THAT HE EVEN KILLED THE LAME FUCKASS THAT HE FELT SO GOGDAMN FLUSHED FOR..."

As if on cue, Karkat heard a horrifying collection of words. Put to a crazed tune they had no trouble reaching him. These words raced to his mind and lingered there, "TAVROS, tavros, HOW FLUSHED I FELT FOR YOU, then you died and rejected me. IF YOU LIVED WE- we. WE..." The sing song tune fell and was replaced by raspy sobbing. "TaVrOs!" There was something different in Gamzee's voice. He sounded like his old self.

Karkat ran to a door that vibrated with the sound of Gamzee's growling and sobbing voice. He fumbled for the handle and grasped an oddly shaped piece of warm metal. He turned it and pulled, flinging himself into the dark room.

"GAMZEE YOU FUCKING PSYCHOTIC JUGGALO, WHAT THE GOG FEARING FUCK DID YOU DO THIS TIME?!"

"K-k-KaRbRo?"

"YEAH IT'S ME FUCKASS."

There was a small electric light hanging from the ceiling. Gamzee creeped forward to the edge of the light beam. His hair was stringy from blood and sweat. His clown make up disoriented and smeared, with three purple lines running across his face from forehead to the cheek bone on the opposite side. His shirt was splattered with blue, olive, brown, magenta, and light purple blood, same with his hands. His smile was psychotic but, his eyes were full of sadness and guilt.

"motherfuckin'. KARBRO. how you motherfuckin' been? I'M JUST FULFILLING MY DESTINY, as a motherfuckin' MIRTHFUL MESSIAH! and imma kill all of you. EVERY LAST MOTHERFUCKIN' ONE OF YOU."

Karkat started to draw back slowly. He reached to his belt, resting his hand on the hilt of his sickle. "JUST IN CASE." Karkat thought.

Gamzee shook his head vigorously, his hands waving by the sides of his ribcage. The multicolored blood spattered about his figure. He attempted to reassure him, "No, KaRbRo! I-i-I dOn'T kNoW wHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg CaMe OvEr Me! I dOn'T wAnNa HuRt YoU mAn!" He started to sniffle, and violet started streaming from his eyes. "I-i-I dIdN't WaNnA hUrT aNyOnE! nOt FeFsIs, nOt EqUbRo, NoT nEpSiS, nOt... NoT... nOt TaVbRo!" He wailed.

"HEY FUCKASS, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, YOU AT LEAST DIDN'T KILL FEFERI." Karkat gave him a weak smile.

"B-bUt I kIlLeD eQuBrO aNd MOTHERFUCKIN' NEPSIS! hehe he. HA MOTHERFUCKING HA! I KIL- nO! nO nO nO! tHaT iSn'T mOtHeRfUcKiNg Me! I'm So SoRrY kArBrO. i'M sO mOtHeRfUcKiN' sOrRy. I nEvEr WaNtEd To MoThErFuCkInG hUrT tHeM..."

Gamzee's voice tumbled into his sobbing. Karkat slowly creeped towards Gamzee. He reached up and pried Gamzee's huge hands from his face. He then hugged him tightly to the point where Gamzee gave a small cough. Gamzee bent down to his level and wrapped his lanky arms around his moirail.

"i'M sO mOtHeRfUcKiN' sOrRy KaRbRo. I dId So MuCh FuCkInG wRoNg."

"SHH, YOU IDIOT. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU ON MORE OF THE FUCKING SOPORIFIC SHIT. MAYBE THEN THIS WOULDN'T HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED."

"No KaRbRo, It'S mY fAuLt. It DoEsN't MoThErFuCkIn' MaTtEr WhAt YoU sAy. It Is My MoThErFuCkIn' FaUlT." Gamzee pried himself from the smaller troll. He put both hands firmly on Karkat's narrow shoulders.

"aNd I'm NoT aBlE tO dEaL wItH tHaT kArBrO. i CaN't HuRt AnOtHeR mOtHeRfUcKiN' fRiEnD kArBrO."

"THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT FUCKASS?"

Gamzee stood straight and reached into the darkness to his left. Some clinks and thuds resonated from the shadows. Then, Gamzee drew out his hand, bringing a white hand gun along with it. The gun looked small in his massive hand. He shifted his grip and grasped the barrel. He extended his arm to Karkat, the handle within reach of the stout troll.

"i CaN't DeAl WiTh mYsElF aNyMoRe. I dOn'T hAvE mUcH lOnGeR bEfOrE tHe OtHeR gUy TaKeS tHe MoThErFuCk OvEr." Gamzee looked at Tavros' head on a table. His voice cracked, "I dOn'T hAvE aNyOnE tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg ExIsT fOr AnYmOrE. hE wAs ThE oNe TrOlL wHo I cOuLd Be WiTh FoReVeR iF hE wAnTeD." Gamzee started sobbing, "aNd NoW hE's GoNe."

"GAMZEE, YOU STILL HAVE EVERYONE ELSE. AND WE MIGHT MEET THE HUMANS SOON. BESIDES, YOU'LL SEE TAVROS IN YOUR DREAM BUBBLES."

Gamzee sighed, "EvErYoNe MoThErFuCkIn' HaTeS mE kArBrO. tHe LaSt TrOlL mOtHeRfUcKeRs AlL hAtE mE. aNd WhEn We MeEt ThE hUmAnS, tHeY'lL hAtE mE t- AGH!"

Gamzee collapsed to the floor, clenching his forehead. He started to writhe in pain. A strangled shriek of agony escaped his lips, causing Karkat to cover his ears. Karkat pushed himself towards his moirail and covered his gaping mouth with his little hand. Gamzee continued his shriek now muffled under Karkat's hand. Karkat pressed his hand a bit harder against Gamzee's lips and used his other hand to stroke Gamzee's unruly hair in an attempt to calm him down. Karkat felt warm tears on his palm. The shrieking stopped.

Gamzee took in a deep breath and used his index finger to dig under Karkat's palm, letting him know that he had calmed down. Karkat had also started to cry during Gamzee's outburst, leaving red tracks on his cheeks. Karkat shook his head and wiped the tears away with his sleeve, leaving puffy eyes, and a weak smile.

Gamzee grabbed the gun again. He fumbled around with it in his shaky hands, eventually turning it so that the handle faced Karkat once more. He took a deep breath and held the barrel firmly. He pushed the gun closer to Karkat who had gotten back on his feet.

"kArBrO," he began. "i'M nOt GoInG tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg WiN. i CaN't HuRt AnYoNe ElSe KaRbRo. PlEaSe." Gamzee took Karkat's right hand and placed the handle in his palm. Karkat pushed the firearm away. "NO GAMZEE. THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY. THERE HAS GOT TO BE ANOTHER FUCKING WAY…" His voice caught in his throat. "I CAN'T FUCKING KILL YOU."

"BrO, tHeRe Is No OtHeR mOtHeRfUcKiN' wAy. ThE oNlY wAy Is FoR mE tO mOtHeRfUcKiN' dIe, AnD tHe ReSt Of YoU cAn LiVe. YoU gUyS wOn'T eVeN mIsS mE. sO mOtHeRfUcKiN' dO iT."

Gamzee got on his knees and closed his eyes. Karkat raised the gun up at an angle, clenching it with both hands. His hands shook as he used his thumb to strike the hammer. His index finger mechanically moved to the trigger. His muscles tensed. He took a sharp breath.

"I CAN'T!" Karkat threw the gun on the ground with a clatter. Gamzee's muscles relaxed and he opened his eyes.

"wHy ThE mOtHeRfUcK nOt BrO?"

"I'M YOUR MOIRAIL GAMZEE, NOT YOUR EXECUTIONER. EVEN THOUGH I FUCKING FAILED, I'M JUST HERE TO KEEP YOU IN CHECK. I CAN'T KILL YOU. I CAN'T LOSE ANYONE ELSE."

Gamzee looked at Karkat with helplessness in his eyes. The corners of his mouth sunk into a frown, as if he were about to wail like a grub. Purple tears once again started to stream from Gamzee's face, staining what was left of his white and gray clown makeup.

"yOu WiLl Be KeEpInG mE iN mOtHeRfUcKiN' cHeCk, KaRbRo. PeRmAnEnTlY."

Karkat sighed with defeat, sadness, and despair. "BUT I JUST CAN'T DO IT GAMZEE. I CAN'T KILL YOU."

Gamzee pressed his lips together tightly. He blinked the tears away. He inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm himself down. "oK, kArBrO. i MoThErFuCkIn' ReSpEcT tHaT."

He grabbed the gun, putting his index by the trigger. He pressed the tip of the barrel to his temple. He then smiled like his old high self, and said, "gOoDbYe KaRbRo."

Before Karkat could say or do anything: _bang._

* * *

**I needed to get this plot bunny out of the way before I continue working on my other stories. Break on those stories is over for a while. If you guys want, I'll write an epilogue, but I'm going to need a lot of requests for an epilogue if I'm going to write one.**


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